15 hours

The hourly countdown has begun.

The reality of it comes in waves with fear, excitement, then heartache, followed by nervousness.  Although I've done everything I can to prepare, to talk those who've already been, to try and map out how the next few months will go, I still can't see myself there and I have no idea what to expect.  But that's how it is anyways right?  We try so hard to plan out life and make things happen, but in actuality it always seems that life and fate have the upper hand.  Being the controller and fixer that I am, I find it hard to remember this and to let things just be.  From what I've heard, India might be the perfect remedy. With its chaos and unpredictability, I'll have no choice but to just roll with the punches.  On that note, I believe that India will be a remedy for many of the things that plague my Western lifestyle.  I'm hoping to gain a sense of simplicity there, a new understanding of what it means to just be and exist, equipped with only the necessities to carry me through.

The journey excites me, but my mission worries me.  For the past two years I've been waiting for this opportunity to come along and you can imagine the buildup of hopes, dreams, and aspirations that come with that.  I have such high hopes for really making a difference over there that I'm scared of not succeeding.  What if I can't adjust?  What if I can't handle the poverty and immense need?  Like I said, I'm a fixer.  I fear that my empathy for others will lead to me wanting to carry the burden for them and it will eventually weigh to heavy for my heart to handle.  It's something that I've always struggled with, whereas I need remember that positivity, love, and uplifted spirits will spread and act as a remedy for others.

My last few hours in the states are going to filled with good company and good food, I can already smell my dad's famous meatloaf making its way up the stairs.  I hear a car door slam and a knock at the door as  my last visits with friends begin.  I'm going to miss this place more than I can even comprehend at the moment, but I know that this is what I'm meant to do.  Please keep me in your thoughts when I'm away, and if you can, give my mom a call.  I know she'll be needing just as much comforting as I will.

Last family photo before I leave.  And before the loser on the far left decides to get married.