Before coming here, my wandering adventurous mind failed to consider some major factors of the internship and culture I was about to submerge myself into. This oblivion has lead me to experience probably my lowest point since being here. These major factors are:
MCCSS is a non-profit social work agency that happens to have a program in human trafficking. But at the root of it, they are a social work agency. Having no experience with social work and its day-to-day functions, I did not consider the amount of office work that goes on behind the scenes to make all of their programs possible. The other interns who are here are mostly social work students who are here for their practicum and are much more adjusted for the work spent in front of computer, flipping through files, and studying cases. Not all that surprising, MCCSS has never had a Technical Photography major working for them and assumed that I was also studying social work. When they realized that was not the case, they were so ecstatic that they finally had someone who could work Photoshop (their most updated version being CS2), archive and organize photos, help edit videos for presentations, and redesign their entire website. A website that hasn't been updated in five years and a collection of photos on five different computers from the past six years. This is no easy task.
I would be lying if I said that I accepted this task with an open and willing heart. At the moment in my education, I have come to realize that although I'm getting a degree in photography, I don't necessarily want to do photography for the rest of my life. A big reason for doing an internship in Non-Profit Management and Global Studies was to gain insight into a career that I'm feeling more drawn to, and to take a break from the photo department for a semester. With that said, this task pretty much negated every reason for me wanting to be here. At times I'd be sitting in front of the computer for hours on end while listening to the other interns being orientated on the human trafficking program and working on updating case reports. So at nights when I would talk to my mother and she would tell me that everyone was waiting for an update on what I was doing, I always replied in annoyance, "I'm finding it difficult to write some creative insight to my daily activities spent in front of a computer." Where was all the action I had anticipated? From what I remember, I didn't sign up for a technical internship. Wasn't I supposed to be helping and serving these people and leaving them in a better state than before I came?
Don't worry, I finally came to realize my own hypocrisy. Before I came I even said I didn't know what kind of work I'd be doing. For all I knew I could be stapling papers the entire time, but it didn't matter. As long as I could be used in whatever way they needed. So while I said that, I realized that I meant whatever way I wanted them to use me. That's not serving and that's not social work. I have come to learn the true backbone to every agency. It is day after day organizing, filing, writing, and any other work that can be done at a desk, all the while still working towards a bigger goal. While I may not be the best at writing reports or case studies, I've realized that my unique skills with my technology degree have been a huge blessing to this agency. Technology majors don't intern here, and many social workers don't know even where to begin when redesigning a website. Because I can do these things, I will hopefully be able to offer them a more effective website that will continue to help them long after I leave. The goal that I originally came here to accomplish.
One of the things that I have learned while working for the agency and just by living in India for nearly two months, is that women have almost zero rights compared to the freedom that western women take for granted everyday. It has proved to be one of the most difficult challenges since being here. I have to be careful when critiquing a different culture because I view it through western eyes and can not properly understand. But this challenge alone, trying to remind myself of this cultural difference, has at times just aided my frustration. Countless events have occurred in the past few weeks that have been outright displays of women's inferiority to men, and the false sense of superiority that men gain from them.
Because I am an American woman, not only do I view the culture differently, but I am viewed differently. So the frustration I express is not the same that would be felt by an Indian woman. We are gawked at, followed, harassed, and on guard a majority of our time in public. There a generally too extremes with the treatment we receive. Either men are purely disgusted by the sight of us and have spat at our feet and snarled as the walked by, or they gain insurmountable pleasure by our presence and feel that they have every right to stand just a foot away and stare at us, take our picture, or follow us home. This kind of behavior in the States, or in most places, would be alarming and cause the need for worry, but for the most part they are harmless and we are doing everything to maintain our safety. However, the principle behind it is what is most frustrating for me. I miss the freedoms I enjoyed on a daily basis back home. The freedoms that I took for granted. Just being able to walk to the grocery story alone, or wear a tank top when it's nearing 100 degrees outside, or just being invisible, going unnoticed. I was warned, but no amount of talking can prepare you for the actual experience. Although rough, its something I've adjusted to as much as possible, and it has allowed me to gain a different perspective of the life of women here in general. Many of the actions we have witnessed have just proven how patriarchal this society is and how women are property and at times commodities that can be used and discarded at any man's discretion. This mindset is what has made it incredibly difficult to feel as though I am making any change within this program. My ambition has never been so dampened by something outside my control and I will never again take for granted the power I possess as a woman in the States.
I am officially coming home the 16th of May. 80 days. While I'm excited about how much time I have here and all the adventures I have planned for the next few months, the time and distance can be daunting. I've decided that I hate planes. That is planes taking off. Living so close to the airport, it is inevitable that we will see at least one plane rising through the sunset sky as we enjoy the cooling air on our rooftop terrace. Each and everytime I can't help but wonder where that one is heading. There's always a chance that I could've been on one of those planes. Sailing with the sunset, back to the States where I know my friends and family would be waiting.
These moments of sadness are fortunately fleeting, for I have luckily found a home here. Not just with the kids I work with, but with the other interns. My time here would not have been the same without them. My akka's. Four girls, four different countries, countless memories. So as much as I miss Boone and my life there, I know that my place is here for now.
1) Social work is comprised of field work and office work. I forgot the latter.
2) I am a woman. An american woman who is now in India.
3) India is half a world away
Yes, I do realize that these are fairly obvious aspects of my current situation, however the dreams of constant adventure, meeting new and beautiful people, finding my purpose in life, and ultimately ending human trafficking single-handedly kept me from actually thinking rationally about this trip. I'm a dreamer. And although the harsh reality of life is often at times a horrible wake-up call, I continually find myself drifting off into another vision of a perfected reality. I understand the risks involved of the lifestyle of a dreamer, and while I may rant about things that are completely rooted in my own naivety, I'm still a firm believer that one day, one might come true.
MCCSS is a non-profit social work agency that happens to have a program in human trafficking. But at the root of it, they are a social work agency. Having no experience with social work and its day-to-day functions, I did not consider the amount of office work that goes on behind the scenes to make all of their programs possible. The other interns who are here are mostly social work students who are here for their practicum and are much more adjusted for the work spent in front of computer, flipping through files, and studying cases. Not all that surprising, MCCSS has never had a Technical Photography major working for them and assumed that I was also studying social work. When they realized that was not the case, they were so ecstatic that they finally had someone who could work Photoshop (their most updated version being CS2), archive and organize photos, help edit videos for presentations, and redesign their entire website. A website that hasn't been updated in five years and a collection of photos on five different computers from the past six years. This is no easy task.
I would be lying if I said that I accepted this task with an open and willing heart. At the moment in my education, I have come to realize that although I'm getting a degree in photography, I don't necessarily want to do photography for the rest of my life. A big reason for doing an internship in Non-Profit Management and Global Studies was to gain insight into a career that I'm feeling more drawn to, and to take a break from the photo department for a semester. With that said, this task pretty much negated every reason for me wanting to be here. At times I'd be sitting in front of the computer for hours on end while listening to the other interns being orientated on the human trafficking program and working on updating case reports. So at nights when I would talk to my mother and she would tell me that everyone was waiting for an update on what I was doing, I always replied in annoyance, "I'm finding it difficult to write some creative insight to my daily activities spent in front of a computer." Where was all the action I had anticipated? From what I remember, I didn't sign up for a technical internship. Wasn't I supposed to be helping and serving these people and leaving them in a better state than before I came?
Don't worry, I finally came to realize my own hypocrisy. Before I came I even said I didn't know what kind of work I'd be doing. For all I knew I could be stapling papers the entire time, but it didn't matter. As long as I could be used in whatever way they needed. So while I said that, I realized that I meant whatever way I wanted them to use me. That's not serving and that's not social work. I have come to learn the true backbone to every agency. It is day after day organizing, filing, writing, and any other work that can be done at a desk, all the while still working towards a bigger goal. While I may not be the best at writing reports or case studies, I've realized that my unique skills with my technology degree have been a huge blessing to this agency. Technology majors don't intern here, and many social workers don't know even where to begin when redesigning a website. Because I can do these things, I will hopefully be able to offer them a more effective website that will continue to help them long after I leave. The goal that I originally came here to accomplish.
One of the things that I have learned while working for the agency and just by living in India for nearly two months, is that women have almost zero rights compared to the freedom that western women take for granted everyday. It has proved to be one of the most difficult challenges since being here. I have to be careful when critiquing a different culture because I view it through western eyes and can not properly understand. But this challenge alone, trying to remind myself of this cultural difference, has at times just aided my frustration. Countless events have occurred in the past few weeks that have been outright displays of women's inferiority to men, and the false sense of superiority that men gain from them.
Because I am an American woman, not only do I view the culture differently, but I am viewed differently. So the frustration I express is not the same that would be felt by an Indian woman. We are gawked at, followed, harassed, and on guard a majority of our time in public. There a generally too extremes with the treatment we receive. Either men are purely disgusted by the sight of us and have spat at our feet and snarled as the walked by, or they gain insurmountable pleasure by our presence and feel that they have every right to stand just a foot away and stare at us, take our picture, or follow us home. This kind of behavior in the States, or in most places, would be alarming and cause the need for worry, but for the most part they are harmless and we are doing everything to maintain our safety. However, the principle behind it is what is most frustrating for me. I miss the freedoms I enjoyed on a daily basis back home. The freedoms that I took for granted. Just being able to walk to the grocery story alone, or wear a tank top when it's nearing 100 degrees outside, or just being invisible, going unnoticed. I was warned, but no amount of talking can prepare you for the actual experience. Although rough, its something I've adjusted to as much as possible, and it has allowed me to gain a different perspective of the life of women here in general. Many of the actions we have witnessed have just proven how patriarchal this society is and how women are property and at times commodities that can be used and discarded at any man's discretion. This mindset is what has made it incredibly difficult to feel as though I am making any change within this program. My ambition has never been so dampened by something outside my control and I will never again take for granted the power I possess as a woman in the States.
I am officially coming home the 16th of May. 80 days. While I'm excited about how much time I have here and all the adventures I have planned for the next few months, the time and distance can be daunting. I've decided that I hate planes. That is planes taking off. Living so close to the airport, it is inevitable that we will see at least one plane rising through the sunset sky as we enjoy the cooling air on our rooftop terrace. Each and everytime I can't help but wonder where that one is heading. There's always a chance that I could've been on one of those planes. Sailing with the sunset, back to the States where I know my friends and family would be waiting.
These moments of sadness are fortunately fleeting, for I have luckily found a home here. Not just with the kids I work with, but with the other interns. My time here would not have been the same without them. My akka's. Four girls, four different countries, countless memories. So as much as I miss Boone and my life there, I know that my place is here for now.
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